This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
