Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
