Got a toothbrush?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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