This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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