I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
