i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're too hungover to prance.
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