My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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