apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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