I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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