i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
