Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
