just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
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Do I have a choice?
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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