I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you had me at cake vodka
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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