Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
