My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
