I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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