Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ttyl tear gas
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
