why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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