were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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