Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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