The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
