Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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