Farmville is her only friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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