I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
