i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He kissed a someone with a penis
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
