When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
