I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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