U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
