he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize