Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
