hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone shit on the floor
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Shame - the story of my life.
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