just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
