I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
