She's JV to your varsity
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
