the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
