How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
