I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
