yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
