don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
