You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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