if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
operation have a gay friend backfired
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize