The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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