The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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