Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
