The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
