where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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