i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
