he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
