This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
