I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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