Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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