I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
