I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
