you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
