Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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