Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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