whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
