drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
