You smell like stripper and shame
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
