he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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