how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
