The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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