I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
