Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
