Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
