stop calling my apartment porn island.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
