I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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