Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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