JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
