i think i have herpe
just one?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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