no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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