It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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