Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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