when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let's get the cat blown out
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