he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A bitchslap is in order.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
